Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
