I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
