Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
