Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's get the cat blown out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
