the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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