I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
