What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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