Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
