I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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