my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize