I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
