Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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