my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Text me some of your sweat
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