I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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