he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
