tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
