First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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