i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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