there's paper in my vomit.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I deserve this hangover.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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