plz talk dirty to me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
