He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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