you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
