i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
