i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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