I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize