It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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