What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
