Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize