meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
