Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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