Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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