Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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