what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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