Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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