Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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