well I can't set my house on fire every night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
