On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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