for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When did angry sex become our thing?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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