my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
