I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
