he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
