Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
