There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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