you turned your livingroom into a bong?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
