no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize