Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize