fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
