dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
