Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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