Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
too bad you live with your parents still
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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