Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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