Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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