Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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