Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He passed out mid-signature
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
