we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
