He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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