A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
FUCK WHALES
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