And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
