If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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