Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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