I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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