Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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