I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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