I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
