dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
