OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
