this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
