Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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