Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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