At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
