I heard we made out
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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