just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
