I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
