I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
