i may or may not be watching the land before time
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
