Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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