u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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