My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
