Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
