so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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