Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
