Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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