Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How external is "for external use only"?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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