So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
