I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
