If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
