Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
