the condom got lost in my hair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
