maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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