I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize