My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
3pm strippers are depressing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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